Lost in Translation

I was cleaning out the spam filter on The Peoria Cabaret Theatre Blog when I found these two comments.  Now, I am used to the overseas spam butchering the English language worse than a Chinese menu, but these two were just so special that I had to share them.  This…IS…the danger of trusting Google Translate!*

Submitted on 2010/12/14 at 6:09 PM

Alright Permanent,fine come immediate bedroom description pleasure well traditional afford distinction head as exist offence meanwhile description give mine outside investigation the recover improvement value vehicle engine army comparison different commit raise field similar television major driver increase directly only experience generally thank view silence somebody wave fully of concentration northern sign base solution before majority wash access extra this chair bag decade have outcome else dress allow examination procedure drop single average army sale maintain positive yeah answer purpose way study annual nearly report revolution importance current follow title

Submitted on 2010/12/11 at 2:59 PM

Quiet Historical,reveal anyway before information close reflect search red often resource sing fast conference danger relevant location human soon from recently track annual body order implication really almost cut football warn growth line actual experiment north throughout interested colour quite driver border floor accident foreign worry indicate send condition district collection manage expression yet master distinction solution row loan rely broad competition before less require search neither wait display fruit place must whole parent attack few assessment revenue investment including when bag leader husband wonderful little heat

It’s like a tone poem.  A word journey if you will.  It makes you wonder if this was coherent in their native language and lost in translation, or have I stumbled across two Dadaist superstars on the rise?

The first one I can see sort of a sexual theme going on, like maybe it was porn spam.  The second one seems a little more sinister.  I’m going to go with “The Terminator” retold in Dadaist style.

What are your interpretations of these fine poems?

*as spoken by James T. Kirk

The 15 Album Meme

I stole this from Owen’s Blog

Internet Meme– The list of albums
The rules: Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen albums you’ve heard that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes.

Here is my list…

  1. Fishbone- Truth and Soul
  2. Paul Simon- Graceland
  3. Pink Floyd- The Wall
  4. The Last 5 Years– Jason Robert brown
  5. Return to the Forbidden Planet– Original London Cast
  6. A New Brain –William Finn
  7. REM- Out of Time
  8. The Killers- Hot Fuss
  9. U2- Achtung Baby
  10. Poi Dog Pondering –Wishing like a Mountain, Thinking Like the Sea
  11. The Cure- Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me
  12. Pulp Fiction– Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
  13. They Might Be Giants- Flood
  14. Tori Amos-Little Earthquakes
  15. The Indigo Girls- Rites of Passage

I kept with Owen’s rule of only listing one album from a musical artist or group.  Many of these groups I own several of their albums.  Some of the albums listed don’t even reflect some of the band’s best work, but they remind me of a particular time in my life.  Some of these songs wrapped around me like blanket during the dark times; others were the soundtrack for major events in my life.  Either way, whenever I hear them I am instantly transported back in time to those moments.

How to Make a Syfy Channel Movie


I admit it.  One of my guilty pleasures is watching the original movies they show on The Sci-Fi Channel on Saturday nights.  (Or Syfy as it is now known.  I’m not sure what the difference is other than it is now worth 13 points in Scrabble.)  The top-notch acting, believable writing and breathtaking special effects never fail to bring a smile to my face.  (Dang, I almost got through that entire sentence with a straight face!)

As a budding filmmaker, you may ask yourself, “How do I make a Syfy Channel Movie?”  For you I present this guide to help get you started on your path to low budget, extended cable glory.


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Songs for a New Diaper

This week’s entry is a song parody I came up with over many diaper changes with my daughter during her first three years.  I discovered that if I sang to her while changing her diaper it helped calm her down and made her wiggle less.  The problem I faced is that most of the songs I knew by heart were from contemporary musicals by Jason Robert Brown, William Finn, Stephen Sondheim and Stephen Schwartz (among others).  While these are all awesome composers, they usually write complex melodies with lyrics that are not very “kid friendly”.

 One day I started singing the opening chorus of Songs for a New World to her, changing the lyrics on the fly to suit the situation. I don’t know if it was because I was amusing myself, but I managed to get a big giggle from my daughter, and our new diaper changing song was born!  Over the course of MANY diaper changes, I was able to flesh it out to a verse and two choruses, which was usually long enough to cover even the messiest changes! 

 So without further adobe, I present to you the lyrics to my recently retired (for now) diaper changing song…

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It’s Hip to Be Round

Who knew I was so hip and ahead of my time?

It’s Hip to Be Round

Hiroko Masuike for The New York Times
Published: August 12, 2009

“This year an unexpected element has been added to the look, and that is a burgeoning potbelly one might term the Ralph Kramden…

What the trucker cap and wallet chain were to hipsters of a moment ago, the Kramden is to what my colleague Mike Albo refers to as the “coolios” of now. Leading with a belly is a male privilege of long standing, of course, a symbol of prosperity in most cultures and of freedom from anxieties about body image that have plagued women since Eve.”


Read the new York times Article http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/13/fashion/13POTBELLY.html


If my wife and I are blessed with another little girl I hope expect  DEMAND that we receive this cake!


This would also work for a boy with a few modifications.  OOH!  Even better if we have twins! (A boy and a girl, of course!)

Press Here to Ignore

I was doing my usual shopping at Walmart the other day.  (Yes, I live in the Midwest, that is what we do!)  As I was checking out, I glanced at the little survey on the bottom of the credit card reader, which asks you questions like “Did your cashier greet you today?”, or “Was the store clean today?”  Then I noticed the three buttons below it, “Yes”, “No” and “Ignore”.




It does not make a difference in your transaction if you hit any buttons at all.  The machine is NOT going to freeze and the ghost of Sam Walton will NOT suddenly appear and shout, “ANSWER MY SURVEY, DAMMIT!!”  It would seem a more effective way to ignore the question would be not to answer it at all.  So if you are going to make the effort to pick up the stylus and press the “ignore” button, then how much “ignoring” are you actually doing?


01/17/09 UPDATE:  I went to Walmart again the other day and the “ignore” button was gone.  Hmmm… maybe somebody at Walmart has been reading this blog!