Remember the horrible flu epidemic that struck almost everyone in February? Remember the tales of endless bathroom visits to expel from either end, (or BOTH at the same time?) We were pretty lucky since we only ended up with the cold and cough version of it.
But now spring is finally here. We’ve opened the windows and let the bad air out and the surfaces have all had a thorough “spring cleaning.” There is no way those horrible flu bugs could rear their ugly head again, right?
It’s just like the end of a horror movie. The psycho killer is lying “dead” on the floor, and as you start to leave the house thinking you’re safe, he SPRINGS back to life to claim another victim!
My horror tale begins last Sunday night. I was having trouble sleeping when my Taco Bell dinner started to make my tummy hurt. A trip to the bathroom made me aware that this was way more than just the usual heartburn! I don’t want to get too graphic here, but let’s just say that a seatbelt for the toilet would be a pretty good invention!
After several trips, my body decided that “downloading” just wasn’t fast enough so it decided to “upload” at the same time (if you know what I mean!) I’ve never been so happy to see my daughter’s potty sitting right in front of me! Luckily, the “double duty” was only temporary and I spent the rest of Monday just sleeping and pooping.
I woke up Tuesday feeling better, but with a limited appetite. I had the day off so I had plenty of time to recover and watch my daughter dance to the I Tunes commercials. My wife had a meeting that night so it was “Daddy-Daughter time” again! She didn’t have much of an appetite at dinner but otherwise seemed normal… UNTIL SHE THREW UP ON THE RUG RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!
Nothing tests the mettle of a newer father like being home alone with a puking kid! Yes, I panicked…I’m not ashamed to admit it! I had a messy daughter on one side, a HUGE stain on the rug, and two dogs eyeing a tasty snack! (Yes, they are sick, sick, sick!) After a moment of indecision I grabbed my daughter and ran to the bathroom with her. Within moments I have her stripped, cleaned and standing in the tub (in case she pukes again.)
After seeing she was finished (and me running around like Mr. Bean) it was time to go back and conquer the stain. I strapped my daughter in her highchair and shooed the dogs away from the spot (again my dogs are sick, sick, SICK!) This is, of course, the ONE time we are out of paper towels, so I grab a handful of baby wipes and get to work. I call my wife and she is on her way home (thank goodness!) while my daughter sits and laughs at me.
Mommy comes home and baby is cleaned, comforted and put back to bed. Finally things might be starting to calm down, until my wife says she is now starting to feel sick as well! (Dun, DUN, DUNNNNN!!!) So now wife AND my daughter are both sick. They’ve split my symptoms equally among themselves. I’m finally better and back at work. The dogs seem to be feeling fine (but I still think they are sick, sick, SICK!)
To those who were suffering so bad in February, I now feel your pain. To those who think they escaped the flu season unharmed, remember… the monster ALWAYS comes back in the final reel!